Random extremely funny quotes from unixfortune.
apt-get install fortune
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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. -- Mark Twain
Q: What's hard going in and soft and sticky coming out? A: Chewing gum.
Q: What is purple and conquered the world? A: Alexander the Grape.
A light wife doth make a heavy husband. -- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. -- Mark Twain
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. -- Mark Twain
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Q: What do you say to a New Yorker with a job? A: Big Mac, fries and a Coke, please!