Children of narcissists are often highly intuitive. They know when something secret is going in their family. They may not be able to put their finger exactly on it and it usually takes time for the exact truth to form but by keen observation, eventually they know the truth. Children of narcissists are often truth seekers. They are among the most empathic of individuals.
Children of narcissists learn to tiptoe around the parents. The Child is trying not to anger the parent, or have them further withdraw their love. With all their focus on the parent, the child loses sight of their own emotions and needs. This is unfortunately carried into adulthood.
He always has used money to control, like his ex wife said "money rules him!". But it's not ruling him it's how he views it, how he uses it as yet another way to control be it via enticement of promised gifts & lifestyle, or to punish by withdrawing to put u at financial risk. He also spends lavishly on himself whilst u & the kids struggle.