Narcissistic mothers teach their daughters that love is not unconditional, that it is given only when they behave in accordance with maternal expectations and whims. As adults, these daughters have difficulty overcoming feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, emotional emptiness, and sadness.
I can NOT emphasize this enough when I counsel women with abusive Narcissist mothers. You have a duty and an obligation to PROTECT your children from the very things your mother did to you. She WILL do those same things to your children, it is only a matter of time and there are NO exceptions to this rule. ~ A.L.N.
"This sad, extreme example is more common than you might think. I have known daughters who felt tremendous relief when their narcissistic mothers passed away. They feel delivered out from under a huge burden, but guilty about admitting it." — Karyl McBride (Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers)
Everything the narcissistic mother does is deniable. There is always a facile excuse or an explanation. Cruelties are couched in loving terms. Aggressive or hostile acts are paraded as thoughtfulness. Selfish manipulations are presented as gifts. Criticism and slander is slyly disguised as concern.