If it isn't how you pictured it in your head, it doesn't mean it's bad. It means if you love someone and cherish them enough, you work on things until they're where things are supposed to be. Too many times we all fall victim to this fantasy picture of perfection and a lot of times, that just isn't so. It takes work, time, sacrifice and two people who love each other enough to say "it isn't perfect but I'll never stop working, I'll never stop trying to make it perfect for you"
Your Heart Heals Note to self: Don't date or anything else until you get over her. It's been well over a year since you've done any of that shit; you didn't like it, it made you feel worse, it's not you or your thing, and won't help get over her. Concentrate on continuing to rebuild your life, enjoy your time with the kids, family, and circle of friends. Someone will walk into your life like she did and it's all way better with someone you love!