One of the biggest signs and traits of narcissism is Hoovering. This technique usually appears after months, even years of no contact. Narcissists will try every trick in the book to get you back into the codependent cycle.
One of the most reliable ways for narcs to feel good about themselves is to invalidate, devalue, denigrate others. So they’ll focus on others’ flaws (whether or not they really exist) rather than acknowledge, and come to terms with their own. They can’t tell where they end and you begin, viewing others as “extensions” of themselves,existing primarily to serve their own needs—just as they routinely put their needs before everyone else’s even their own children.
When challenged, it’s as though the narcs' very survival depends on being right, whereas flat out admitting a mistake seems impossible.Their “my way or the highway”, their stubborn, competitive insistence that their point of view prevail betrays their underlying doubts about not being good, strong, or smart enough. And the more their pretentious, privileged, exaggeratedly puffed-up self-image feels endangered by another’s position, the more likely they are to react with anger or rage.
my stomach churns as i read this. my mother and ex friend did many of these things to me all the time. now i'm beginning to suspect that yet another one of my friends is a narc... what am i? a narc magnet? why can't i have people who will just accept me as i am and be a real friend to me?