The scene you showed at the memorial service was just too much. You knew the situation and had to be the center of attention and to try to make people believe you were to be the wife when he had a wife already. You really looked pathetic as usual.
There's sometimes a battle between the mind and the heart, what exactly should you do now!? It's hard to pretend you are ok with it all, when in actuality....it's just as tough as the day before. Life lessons..I've had one to many in my days, and don't want anymore. Just want my heart to pump the blood I need and not get involved in anything else.
You consumed her entire being and I think that's actually why she let you treat her the way you did. I don't know what you got out of destroying her. Time after time. But she hopes you never put another girl through that