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I can tell by your sarcastic undertones, rude comments and sheer lack of common decency, that we're going to be best friends in no time.

Seriously... Ditto for friendship.

I'm so crafty, I make people. (No, I'm not announcing anything. Just thought the saying was cute.)

Once you hate someone everything they do is offensive. 'Look at this bitch eating those crackers like she owns the place'.