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S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #341:Asking members of the Avengers to autograph memorabilia, photos, or personal items is acceptable. Asking members of the Avengers to autograph body parts or items of clothing that you are wearing at the time is a violation of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s sexual harassment policy. Asking director Fury to autograph anything is hazardous to your health. [Submitted by heavilyparaphrased]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #248:Sex will not cure supervillains. Nor will it cure any superheroes of whatever you think they need curing of. Please keep this in mind or risk a sexual harassment meeting or potential global catastrophe. S.H.I.E.L.D. has enough to deal with already. [Submitted by lithographox]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #485: Although they have giant blades that spin at deadly speeds, do not use the Helicarrier engines for waste disposal. Any funds needed for repairs will come from your paycheck. [Submitted by hardboiledandwutnot]

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #218:S.H.I.E.L.D. does not believe in an inability to get done what needs done. ‘Can not’ is not a phrase you should have in your vocabulary.

S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #121:If you feel the need to mock reality television, feel free, but be extremely cautious as to who is in the vicinity. There are closet fans in the division who can make your life rather unpleasant.