if i had it my way, i would lie in bed and sleep all day. but instead, i have to get up everyday, get dressed, and do things i don't want to do. when i do end up coming home for the day and going to bed for the night, i stay up for hours because the aching feeling in my chest is too overwhelming. it gets distracting. i'm forced to think about my fate and i grow terrified. i just want rest. how can one do so in utter darkness?