HAHAHA

If I ever say come over, I'm home alone, I porbably mean that I'm eating pizza and watching Harry Potter and you should come get fat with me.

I ate my sister's stash of candy when she wasn't home. Now I'm helping her look for it.

19 Blind Dates Gone Horribly Wrong

I saw a guy crying at a table today when I came into a restruant. I asked him what was wrong and he said his date stood him up so I bought him dinner because the same thing had just happened to me

I feel so proud to call him my brother. Today he got detention for calling the teacher a muggle.

My older sister is deaf, so I've always been fluent in sign language. When I don't feel like talking to people in public, I just pretend to be deaf and start signing wildly. My sister thinks it's hilarious 

If I ever get rich one day... I will buy every single ticket to a Justin Bieber concert, hire a bunch of teenage girl actresses, and when Justin comes out on stage, the girls will just be completely silent and act like they have no idea who he is.

Just ran down the street 37 weeks pregnant, just for an ice cream truck

My husband talks in his sleep. Last night he said, "the Burger King man stole all my secrets!" I couldn't look at him this morning without laughing.

I can be super flirty with guys I don't like. But as soon as I actually like them, I become the most awkward, over thinking person ever.

14 Truths Only Book Nerds Can Relate To

98% of the time I say lol is because I think my sentence is too bitchy